Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Dreams & Nightmares

Dream Journal

December 28 2008

The nightmares play out in my body and my mind during both waking and sleeping hours.

I was injured in the work place a few years ago in a corporate environment. It was a high stress job. Therapists have identified the behavior of a "malignant narcissistic" personality type. The CEO was a brilliant tyrant. I was a random target. We see the tragedies of tyrants everywhere' but I was permanently disabled with post traumatic stress. I lost my ability to read and comprehend numbers for several months. Panic attacks disabled me from leaving the house or driving in cars, even as a passenger. Muscle tension led to neurological problems, fibromyalgia, degenerative spine, asthma and respiratory distress.

In summer this year in Northern California, where I live, was hit by a series of wildfires. For a month the smoke was so thick many of us could not leave our homes for other than brief periods. My body began to fail and I landed in the emergency room yet again. I have been fortunate to have good medical care but this time they were stumped. Modern science had saved my life again but I was sent home with little hope because they just could not find out the cause of my progressive collapse.
At home that night, deep in pain and anguish, and on a fair amount of medication, I struggled to find the peace of sleep. Inwardly I did not think I was going to die but my body was telling me otherwise. I just accepted where I was at and surrendered to God. Slowly the pain lifted and I felt my spirit lifted into what I can only describe as dazzle of kindness, reflecting images of kindness received and given, so fast that it melted my pain and anguish. Beyond this I felt a powerful, magnetic like force that was drawing me into Itself.

Then I became aware of my heartbeat, with the memory of the huge force that is our destination after leaving this world. A fragment of this place came into me and into my consciousness and I instinctively felt as though this would be enough for me to continue to live on here in this world. It was not time to die.

Since then I have not returned to the hospital. I am by no means completely healthy and still hobble around with a lot of limitations. Yet I have been graced with just enough human companionship from a few friends and neighbors, some great healers in traditional western medicine and holistic therapies, the comfort of nature and a joyful companion dog. My mental functions are returning and as long as I listen to my body and rest frequently my physical pains are subsiding. As for what the future holds, I have no idea - One breath at a time, allowing life to unfold.

These dream/visions brought me a stable peace deep inside while my mind and body were disabled - I am so thankful for them * They revealed places I had perhaps never been before.

8/12/06 Lake Tahoe

Dream before Sleeping – flew up above the clouds and beyond the earth so that I could look down upon the sphere of clouds and land and ocean. Kept going past the quarter moon until I was deep in space among the stars, space and stars whooshing past until I was just stopped in space among the stars. It was quiet – I wondered why I stopped here but just accepted that this was where I supposed to be. The dream/vision ended and I become aware of my bed and ambient noise in the house.

A few minutes later the dream/vision continued and I was whooshing through space again with stars flying past. I descended quickly and saw a large, stone like pyramid structure that had right angles of varying sizes at many sides of the pyramid, more like a Mayan pyramid than an Egyptian one. It was much taller than a classic earth pyramid and I could not see the bottom of the structure. As I neared the top it opened and I flew deep down a dark hole that emerged. I wasn’t scared and just accepted the journey. Deep inside the hole opened into a massive cavern with mysterious walls. I slowed and stopped at what appeared to be a small part of the wall with library like shelves with books or something like books on them. One of the books came out slowly and I knew this book contained a soul. Each book was a soul of some living being. Some had lived before and some were yet to live.

A shrouded being approached me to show me the book. It was kind of creepy and I didn’t know if the being was friendly or hostile or neutral. When the being opened the book it showed me my head placed on the book, indicating that I was to die like everyone else that was placed in the books of this “eternal” library. I thought well that sounds normal, we all die and I am no different than any other living being. It did give my ego pause though and made me wonder if there was something I was do with my remaining time on earth that might change this future destiny. It seemed so lifeless to be placed in this library. Another shrouded being approached me but I had some fear it was not friendly and it projected ugly “demon-like” features. It calmly left my vision and I meditated on the question of what some of my choices were to do with my remaining time on earth.

I felt a subtle force of light and energy entering into my being through my head and into my body. It was quiet and light and filled me with a gentle peace that offset some of my uncertainty and fears. It felt as though just a bit of grace had entered into my being, not filling it entirely but just enough that I could contain. Some scenarios appeared before me of what I might still do on this earth but I fell asleep and cannot recall what I was shown.

8/29/06 Home

Did a short latihan/meditation before bed to clear my feelings. Before sleeping I saw a vision of a yellow/orange (gold?) band of energy that surrounded the Earth, hovering and vibrating slightly above the ground. This energy band represents the goodness and love of all the people and beings on the earth, past - present - future , which have felt and expressed these feelings and actions. I could feel myself being lifted into this energy. It felt so good to be in this field, it felt like home. I felt that I would be drawn to people and places and beings that lived in this energy.

Then I saw a column of people 10-15 people thick, male and female, heads and arms stretched up. The column kept going up and up beyond the earth, beyond the point that I could see.

Then I saw fragments of writing in a language I did not recognize (looked something like Hebrew lettering). I kind of freaked at this point because I thought it may be a part of a sacred message and I did not feel worthy to see such a message.

Some time in September 2006

Mary Vision

In September I received a vision of Mary who appeared in her recognized image and then began morphing into a variety of feminine forms, beautiful and ugly, loving and violent. It was a little scary and yet the feeling beneath the form was that all these forms and expressions were She. Beneath the forms the basis and truth was goodness and love, despite what I might see and experience in this world.

Elijah Vision

Again just before falling asleep I received an image of a smiling old man. He exuded happiness. Without speaking I knew he was here to comfort me and be a companion guide through what I was going through and may be about to experience. Again without speaking he identified himself as Elijah. He warmed my heart, but did not express any requests or guidance, just being.


Jesus Visions

September 2006

Sky opens up like a curtain and Jesus is riding a chariot pulled by galloping horses towards the Earth.

A tiny infant Jesus is in a glass cylinder, like a candle glass, outside a church sanctuary. The sanctuary is located in desert mountains, red brown rocks and sparse pine trees.

October 11, 2006

A light appears in a dark space, generated by a being. I felt the presence but no form of Jesus.

Jesus appears with long hair and clad in armor. He is smiling and waiting, emanating a feeling of confidence and patience.

November 2006

Dreamt I was I was 10-20 years older with a full head of gray hair sitting with a group of people talking about something or other when a power overcame me. It spoke through me with great authority and power. However when I awoke I don’t know what it was that was said, but the people in the room were taken aback.

February 23, 2007

Dream/vision before falling asleep: A large truck pulled up a gravel road and unloaded more than 100 cows. The cows were black and white, Holsteins. As they left the truck ramp they knew instinctively that they were “home” and proceeded up the drive to the farmhouse and ranch. This was their sanctuary where they knew they could live their lives in peace, without threat of being eaten. They communicated to me emotionally/telepathically as animals do a tremendous sense of gratitude and “ahhh…. It is so good to be home with you”.

April 21, 2007

Jesus and I are walking down a rocky path. Jesus tells me that what we are both working on will take thousands and thousands of years.

April 30, 2007

The first vision was Our Lady. She was alone, holding her head down, kind of slumped over, sad but not in total despair.

In a dream I was with a group of European artist/bohemian types. I felt awkward being around them until we started to do some inflatable trapeze dancing - it was really fun and graceful. Then Rachel (from Bhutan) and the group of artists started chanting Om Mani Padme Hum - the sound was so incredible in tone and pitch. A wheel/sphere appeared in the room that began to move in response to the sound - it opened up an entire dimension of understanding that is not known from our earthly world.

Later in the dream I was in a new house in some kind of desert hills. A man took me to another house built by a mysterious English/Bhutanese person. It was a large house that each time I looked at it kept expanding into many wings, and many stories. A courtyard inside had a huge statue of a golden Buddha. When I saw the Buddha I cried and felt a great feeling of something good. Later I was walking up a path in a small village (that I had been to before in dreamland), up some stairs, past a modest little shop.

May 8, 2007

Dream before sleeping - The face of Buddha appeared, a large gray, stone face with eyes closed and a gentle, kind smile. It lingered awhile and then the torso appeared and kept growing in length and girth. There were many details and intricacies to the body. At the lower part of the belly a door appeared. The door was closed and opened from the bottom up. Inside a wood floor in tones of red and brown moved about gracefully, sliding in multiple directions. The feeling was calm, safe and alive.

May 21, 2007

Dream before sleeping – A blue and gold being walked slowly and deliberately, almost mechanically, towards a central area. The being was human like, with deep blue skin, with gold encrusted top layers on the head and many parts of the body. In the central area was a smallish gold being, Buddha like who was smiling and alive. The gold Buddha being sat cross-legged and at times rose off the floor a few feet. The gold Buddha then changed form into a spinning gold ribbon of energy, somewhat like a double infinity symbol, or two 8 symbols sideways and weaving amongst each other.

May 23, 2007

Dream before sleeping – A large, intricate and magnificently and highly detailed structure appeared. I viewed from above and closed in to see the detail, more complex than anything I have seen on earth - many colors, and highly evolved details, sort of a combination of Asian and Baroque styles. There were no visible beings but the place felt alive and not without life.

May 24, 2007

Complex imagery of a young baby, an old man and several stages in between that was too fast to grasp with my mind. Buddhist/Asian themes with some sort of understanding of light and a method of pure creation that has to do with being in a certain state that allows one to see and create from pure intent and emotion. Hard to describe but is a state of perception from an inner place. Felt as though my mind and soul were being worked on, stretching and growing.

August 17, 2007

Dream in the early morning - I was gliding through the air both fast and slow, close to the ground and slightly above it. But when I was in my body I was kind of stuck in a very slow, somewhat painful mode. Later I popped into space, looked around at all the stars, then looked down and got scared because there was no ground, but I was ok and when I relaxed in space I was fine, felt weightless and clear in my mind, free of pain

2 comments:

Mieke said...

Dear Adam S,

Beautiful, beautiful story.

And it all happened because you surrendered to That What Is :)

Love, Mieke

Frederic Delarue said...

I am so attuned to your story and Mieke's comment. Sure you said it: you surrendered to God, to whatever is God to you, To me, surrendering is like daring to die to be re-born with new features, new understanding, new perspective, new approach of life, new visions, new step forward to what you came here to do and live.
Thanks for your beautiful heartfelt words.